Friday, January 30, 2009

Three Years Ago Yesterday

Three years ago yesterday, my world changed forever. On January 29, 2006 Darrell crashed his plane short of the Murfreesboro, Tennessee airport runway. He had had problems immediately after take off from the Smyrna, Tennessee airport and the air control told him to go on to Murfreesboro instead of turning around. With the problems the plane was having, it was incredibly difficult for him to keep the plane up, but he did. And he almost made it. About 50 feet short of the runway a crosswind tipped his plane. His right wing hit the grass, he tried to recover but it tipped again and this time the plane flipped over and at some point, caught on fire.

The previous 2 years I acknowledged the day but this year I refused. For one thing, I feel like I'm moving past that date, in spite of the fact that I'm writing about it, perhaps because I'm writing about it. For so long that date and March 7, 2006 have defined who I am. But I don't want them to define me anymore. They will always mark the most significant change in my life but I want to move on from there.

Our first Father's Day after Darrell died, I didn't go to church. The girls and I were out of town (Ross and Trace were with their dad) and I refused to acknowledge Father's Day. The girls and I acted like it was any other day but Father's Day. My sister-in-law, Darrell's sister, seemed horrified by my actions. But I told her I acknowledged Darrell every other day. It hurt to badly to acknowledge him that day.

I want to remember life with Darrell, not how I lost him.

8 comments:

Heather said...

Denise,
I'm one of those people who don't know what to say, so instead, I usually say nothing. I hate that about myself and it's something I'm going to change. Your and Darrell's love story is beautiful. No, his death doesn't define you but his life with you makes you the amazing person you are today. I didn't know Darrell but my guess is that he is cheering for you from above. Take heart that you will be with him someday (and what a wonderful day that will be.)
You're in my prayers,
Heather O.

JD said...

My heart hurts for you, Denise... I haven't known you very long, I can't imagine what you're going through, and I won't pretend to know what it's like to be in your shoes.

I believe... that Darrell's death does not define you, but his life has shaped who you are, his life colored yours with incredible, undeniably rich colors, and that sharing life with his, despite how briefly, made you who you are today. Those colors aren't important just on a particular date, they're with you every day, they color you into a beautiful woman of strength, compassion, resilience, and so much more, a woman he'd be so very proud of.

I've lost a daughter, and while my experience pales in comparison to what you've faced and continue to face, I believe she wouldn't want me to mourn her on the day we lost her, even though sometimes it's hard not to. I believe she'd want me to focus instead on the days we shared, and the day we'll be together again. That's the only bit of wisdom I can share... it's not much, but it's what all I have.


I'm thinking about you, and drawing strength from the ways you've inspired me.

Lindsey's mom said...

Denise
You are doing what is best for you. I did not realize we shared a momth that signified a loss. I pray that I make to to your part of the US so I can give you a big HUG!
You are helping many!!! Tell your story.
My mom is horrified that i dont want to have my daughter's school have a big "thing" in the yearbook as her class is moving ot Middle School. I told them to leave it up to the kids..why is that so "Horrible"..Others just dont "get it". That is something I Have learned to just accept..not to like but to realize it is they way it is.
God Bless
kathy
Having a horrible night missing my oldest so hard.

Nancy said...

Denise, I am coming over to thank you for you comment on my SITS day. I am so sorry to read/hear about what all has happened to you! You must be a strong woman! I don't know what I would do I can't even imagine it! I will be keeping you in my prayers! Please come back and visit with my anytime. I would like the chance to get to know you better. I will be back to visit again when I have more time. Blessings, Nancy

Kim said...

I hope you know that your writing is healing for others who occupy a seat at the mourning bench. Praying for you today!

The Things We Carried said...

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious husband. The fact you choose to honor him and hold on to what he meant in your life is telling of him, you, and the love that held you both.

Always a Southern Girl said...

What an awesome thing you said in your profile. That God was going to use your expericence for His glory. How amazing that you are doing the things you are doing. My prayers are with you. I look forward to stopping by again. Press on my friend. The prize is so much greater than we can even imagine. In Christ, Renee

Pink Ink said...

Wonderful stories here. Good luck with the book...you are well on their way there!